Monday, 11 July 2011

Gear Up

Imagine the scene: you’ve got to go on mission. Get the girl (or boy), kill the bad guys and save the entire planet. But what do you take? What sidearm? What’s you weapon of choice? How are you going to get around? And what spiffy duds are you going to wear whilst you’re kicking ass? Here are my answers, be sure to leave yours in the comments section.

Sidearm:Deckard’s pistol from Blade Runner has it all: the bulky outline, the tiny red LEDs and that distinctive noise. The only downside seems to be that it’s a revolver with only six shots. Better make ‘em count.

‘You wanna know what I think about parking tickets?’

Main weapon: The M41A pulse rifle is carried by the USCM corps (United States Colonial Marines) from James Cameron’s Aliens. It’s a brutish looking thing that fires 10mm caseless ammo, and if the light armour piercing rounds aren’t doing it for you then there’s always the pump action grenade launcher. Just watch out for the acid splash from those Xenomorphs.

– ‘And the red numbers tell you what temperature it is.’
– ‘Really?’
– ‘No.’

Around town: The Tumbler from Batman Begins is a tad conspicuous, so instead I’ll opt for Kaneda’s bike from Akira. Probably one of the most fetishized objects in all of anime. Weirdly almost nothing is known about the bike except that it has "ceramic, double-rotor two-wheel drive, computer-controlled anti-lock brakes,” and churns out “12,000 rpms". Honourable mention to the new Light Cyles from Tron: Legacy, which are beautiful.

‘You’re not bringing that sidecar anywhere near my ride, man.’

Wardrobe: One of the many fun aspects of Halo: Reach (on the Xbox 360), was customizing your Spartan armour and buying upgrades. I was always a big fan of the more streamlined ODST (orbital drop shock troopers) armour. Beautifully designed, the ODST armour looks like an outfit we could see real life soldiers wearing in a decade or two. The heads up display in the faceplate is a neat feature and has the benefit of infra green night vision.

‘No, wait. I’ve steamed up again guys. Sorry.’

Up in the air: Do you remember that moment in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace where you were filled with hope and wonder. Sure you do, it was before Anakin or Jar-jar turned up. In fact, it was the moment the Republic Cruiser blazed across the screen, making ready to dock with the Trade Federation. And it comes in my favourite colour too. What’s not to like?


What would you take? Is the Millennium Falcon more your speed? Are the Elven cloaks from LOTR your ideal attire? Your imagination (and the depths of your Geek knowledge) are the limit.


  1. Well I must say that Tony Stark had the right idea. Why take several items into the fray when you can have an awesome exoskeleton that does everything you could wish whilst looking the biz. Here's to the Mk V..... "I AM IRON MAN!"

  2. Bea's got a really nice point.


    Sidearm: Golden Gun (Bond, James Bond)
    Main Weapon: Possibility Blade (The Scar)
    Outfit: Cleric's robe from Equilibrium (I'm such a boy)
    Around Town: The Silver Surfer's Surfboard
    Up in the Air: Smaug, motherfuckers

  3. Sidearm: Lawgiver (The original, elegant design rather than the witless pile of bombastic crap Dredd lumps around with him these days).

    Main Weapon: ACR with underslung RAM GL (Classic Traveller. Hey, you didn't say we couldn't use RPGs as sources. The ACR wasn't the fanciest or most powerful gun in Traveller, but it was reliable and got the job done).

    Wardrobe: The Sandman's outfit (No, not that Sandman, the proper Sandman -- the one with the hat, gasmask, and trenchcoat. *There's* elegant).

    Around Town: The '60s Batmobile (Loved it as a kid, love it now. You put your foot down and the film speeds up -- that's how awesome it is).

    Everywhere Else: The TARDIS (Not just a vehicle, more a way of life. I was fondest of the 1996 TVM version -- roomy and steampunky).

  4. Ok then, this is my top trumps, full house, selection with aces wild

    Sidearm: Megatron

    Main Weapon: Vorpal Sword (being the Clarke Award director protocol requires me to always have one literary one)

    Outfit: Ghostbusters uniform

    About Town: Wexter the flying T-Rex with machine gun arms from Axe Cop

    Everywhere Else: Battlestar Galactica. If you can't travel in style, travel by bucket!

    Game over, man. Game over

  5. Hmmmm....

    Sidearm: The Zorg ZF-1 gun. It has a machine gun, rocket launcher, poison arrow launcher, net launcher, flamethrower and freeze ray in one. Yeah, I know it's big, but I figured I'd have a large handbag. (Fifth Element)
    Main Weapon: The Word of God (Preacher)
    Outfit: That red dress (BSG)
    Around Town: An AT-AT. Awww, they look so cute! (Star Wars)
    Up in the Air: The Starship Heart of Gold, with the Improbability Drive. Plus, it comes with Eddie, your shipboard computer, and a bar stocked with the essentials for a Pan-Galactic Gargleblaster. (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

  6. Sidearm: The Harlequin's Kiss (WH40K) Because in the grim darkness of the 41st Millenium, you need to be able to make your own smoothies.
    Main Weapon: The Force. It surrounds us, binds us, and lets us shoot lightning from our fingers.

    Outfit: The Man in Black (The Princess Bride) because Zorro never looked this good.

    Around Town: DJ Avatar's modded-up bike (Arabesk Trilogy). Because what's the point of being an all-conquering badass if you can't broadcast your soundtrack?

    Up in the Air: A Super Star Destroyer. 'Cause *I* wanna cast that shadow.