Monday, 4 July 2011

Gentleman Geek – The Dating Geek

After writing the Gentleman Geek – Geek About Town post I was left with a few points. Here in furtherance of Geek-kind, I present the Dating Geek. As ever; never rules, merely guides.

The Dating Geek

1. When on a date, have a back-up venue in mind in case your original choice is full or unsuitable. Table reservations show planning and initiative (see Shaun of the Dead).

'It's never this bad in Wagamama.'

2. A stroll is hard to beat when planning an afternoon date. It gives you a chance to chat, work up an appetite, see some local landmarks and stop in at coffee shops. If your date arrives in unsuitable clothing have a back-up plan ready.

3. Listening is sexy. Ask questions to encourage the object of your affection to open up. Then remember the answers; you can then work these points back into the conversation.

4. Holding doors open is still classy. Period.

'No, you open the door, that's what I f*cking pay you for.'

5. Likewise, offering to hold hats, bags and coats of your date shows attentiveness. Do this willingly, never with resignation.

6. Never check your text messages in front of your date. Excuse yourself and text from the privacy of the bathroom. Make your date believe they have your undivided attention.

7. If unsure of how to act in the presence of gorgeous burlesque performers or Suicide Girls, or cute authors, simply smile, be quiet and do not stare. Try to bear in mind that men are falling over themselves to impress. Some reservation and mystery might serve you better.

8. One should always direct enquiries to a lady’s face. If your anatomy is poor then simply remember her face is the part above the shoulders.

9. A Gentleman of the old school walks on the outside of the pavement, between his dearest and the curb.

10. Ladies who wear high heels might enjoyed the added stability of walking arm-in-arm. Bear in mind cobbled streets are especially treacherous for the high-heeled woman, so offer an arm and reduce your walking pace.

11. If unable to escort the lady to her front door at the end of the evening, suggest she send a text to let you know she arrived home safely. You then have opportunity to thank her for the date upon receipt of said text.

'I got home fine, but some dick blew up my planet.'

I don’t profess to have adhered to these guides. In fact many of them are a direct response of my very own Geek Failures (sometimes Epic). I include them so others may learn from my mistakes.


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