Monday, 23 January 2012

You Know The Date Is Going Badly When...


WARNING: SPOILERS

<Aliens, The Fifth Element, Blade Runner, Donnie Darko, 
Akira, Battlestar Galactica, Tron Legacy>

You Know The Date Is Going Badly When...

... your romantic interest pulls out a machine and asks if they ask you fifty to a hundred cross-linked questions. When you ask what the machine is they mumble something about ‘empathy test’.

What do you mean 'Boiled dog isn't a real entrée?'
... the cute, bright-eyed guy that saved you from execution on that space station turns out to be your brother.

'Fine, we'll split the bill. Don't get sulky about it.'
... the super-hot, platinum blonde in the skin tight red dress persuades you to give her the defense codes to the colonies. Then she, along with her friends, nuke every city.

'Of course it's my natural colour.'
... the emo, edgy biker you were seeing becomes an arena-sized, psychic-ego monster who wants to tear up the city.

'You think this is bad? Wait until you see the live action version.'
... the hottest girl on the Grid is actually your father’s best friend. To make matters worse she follows you to a night club and gets her arm broken.

'The next person to ask for a white russian is getting de-rezzed.'
... the stunning girl in the medical bandages turns out to be the ultimate weapon against evil. Even when you take her to the nicest hotel in the galaxy she still manages to get in to trouble.

'I told you not to bring liquids through security.'
... you sustain severe acid burns to your face. The confident yet troubled woman you’re interested in suddenly decides to foster a little girl. Just to really finish things off the atmosphere processor goes critical, meaning you can’t even get a kebab on the way home.

'I haven't been this badly hurt since 'Terminator', dammit.'
... you’re suddenly thrust in to a tangent universe where you’ll end up getting killed. It’s not all bad as you get to snog Jake Gyllenhaal and have an awesome soundtrack.

'I had this crazy dream we were in a cinema with a giant rab... oh, shit.'
... that feisty blonde pilot that you’ve been having an on-again, off-again relationship with suddenly disappears with not even a puff of smoke to show for it. You can’t even talk it over with your dad because he just flew off with the President in the last Raptor.


The location manager had really lost the will to live by season five.

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